How To Stop Letting People Upset You?

 The new year is here- which definitely means new resolutions!

Although nothing exactly changes with a new year. But most of us take a pledge with ourselves that -"This time I won't let people hurt me nor I would beg someone to love me."

However, with time some of us forget all our resolutions and start acting the same way we used to act the previous year.

Same disappointments with different people!

Have you ever thought about why someone else's behavior bothers you so much that your mental peace gets upside down?

Think of yourself in a light and happy mood and suddenly you meet someone or talk to someone who instantly puts you in a low vibration mode. This person can be anyone from your family, work, social group, or your spouse.

There are other cases also where we get hurt by our own people. Maybe their intention was not to hurt us or perhaps if someone to whom we are attached does something which we didn't expect them to do, we immediately react and think vigorously.

How to not let others affect you?

To remain unaffected by our surroundings is difficult but possible. We only have to take a step back and detach ourselves from it emotionally.

Here are 6 tips that can guide us to remain positive and unbothered by people's behavior:

1. Set your boundaries- If you want to save yourself from getting into the low vibrational mode, you just need to set boundaries for yourself.

According to Positive Psychology: A healthy boundary is a space between you and the other person which is drawn to ensure that your mental health remains stable. Boundaries determine what you will tolerate and what you will not!

Boundaries are your space which the other person must not cross.

How to Create Healthy Boundaries?

• If you don't like something say it clearly on the face of another person. For example, if someone asks you to do something which you think is crossing the limits of your particular relationship, simply say "NO". No need to over-explain everything.
• Be honest about your feelings. Do not care about what the other person would think. It is necessary to have honest conversations then telling lies.
• Make yourself a priority. If you have told everyone to whom you are close to and they still do not respect your boundaries, choose to walk away. 

2. Allow yourself to respond- When you witness the opposite of what you want, you have a choice- either to react immediately or to stay calm and let your brain respond after a few minutes.

Yes, we behave according to the actions of others. For instance, a teacher will get angry when he is teaching and a student is creating a disturbance in class. In that case, the teacher can give that student punishment, or perhaps he can calmly handle the situation and guide the child.

How to calmly handle things?

• Start deep breathing and don't overthink everything.
• Keep quiet and try to understand them.
• Start repeating Positive Self-Affirmations to yourself.

3. Move out of the past- Holding on to a grudge will only give you emotional harm and nothing else. If you are holding a grudge against someone then it's you who is being suffered. The other person won't even know and don't care about your feelings and emotions. They are happily enjoying their lives. 

So move on for yourself because you deserve to be happy. Even if they haven't apologized to you. Nobody gives a damn about closures. It's you who is waiting for them to come and sort out everything or at least say sorry.

But what exactly you need to do is Move on so that you can heal and save yourself.

4. Take responsibility for your emotions- You create your own reality and thoughts. Hence you are solely responsible for how you feel. Even if others do wrong with you, it's up to you how you will take it. You cannot rely on people to give you the reality that you desire. 

If you need a job, it's you who has to stand up and look out on your own. You cannot depend on your friends and family members to find a particular job for you and if they can't help you, you cannot get mad at them.

In the same way, if your boss uttered some mean comments for you or your spouse did not do what you asked him to do- it's in your hands how you want to feel. 

When you will lower your expectations from others, you will automatically shift yourself into a high vibrational mode.

5. Realize that you cannot control them- You can control your own state of mind but not of others. How others behave, what others do is not what you should worry about. You must understand that you cannot force others to behave according to you. 

Would you like behaving on someone else's terms and conditions? No, right? In the same way, the action of another person is based on their karma and beliefs.

What you can do is get out of that situation if you are suffering. Take a step back to save yourself from draining your mental energy.

6. Your happiness is inside you- When you will start looking internally and not externally you'll have more patience and calmness. If any sudden setback would arise you will be able to handle it with patience and not get upset. That's the power of our inner state of mind.

Moreover, you will try to understand someone else's opinion and perspective and you won't feel like you are being attacked. 

How to find inner happiness?

• Listen to your gut feeling and allow it to guide you.
• Remove expectations from other people.
• Focus on your present.
• Do things that you like the most.
• Surround yourself with happy people.

Related: How to not depend on others for our happiness?

Final Thoughts

In the end, its completely your choice if you want others to steal your joy or not. If you give them the power to control your emotions and feelings then don't complain in the end because it was your decision to be emotionally dependent on them.

Lastly, live your best life and get attached there, where the attachment is from both sides!

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