I always wondered why people are so good at the beginning of any relationship and change their colors after a few days or months.
Diving deep, I realized that people were the same; it was just me who couldn't spot the red flags and got manipulated and entangled in their charm.
Attachment is the word we often hear about connections and relationships. In today's era, where being "single" is given the most value by Gen Z, you can listen to them talking about "I get attached too quickly."
Why's that? Have you thought?
What does it mean to get attached to someone?
Attachment is a crucial component of human connection because it allows us to maintain meaningful relationships. Our general well-being also depends on it. Attachments first emerge in our earliest relationships with parents, relatives, and caretakers.
Your attachments to your parents, siblings, friends, mentors, love partners, and (your) offspring are shaped and guided by these ties, which begin in infancy. You probably already know you tend to do this if you become attached to individuals too early and readily. You develop an emotional link with them because they give you a sense of validation, affection, belonging, dependability, safety, comfort, and protection.
Let's talk about the signs that point toward getting attached too quickly:
Signs you might be getting attached too quickly
Getting attached to someone can be a beautiful thing. It's a sign of emotional connection and vulnerability. However, it can lead to unhealthy dynamics when attachment happens too rapidly. Here are some signs you might be getting attached too quickly:
1. Instant Deep Connection: You immediately sense a deep connection with them, whether they are a stranger or a casual acquaintance. This attachment is uncommon because most people don't form strong bonds with strangers or people they've only met briefly.
2. One-Sided Bestie Syndrome: You think of someone as "your person" or your closest friend, but they don't feel the same way about you. You feel more invested and attached than the other person, which creates an imbalance in the relationship.
3. Absence of Reciprocity: You contribute more to the partnership than you get in return. There is little to no reciprocity because the other person isn't as invested or attached to the connection as you are.
4. Over-Investment: You find yourself adjusting your schedule to fit the individual, offering assistance regularly, and disclosing personal information far too quickly. You frequently have to pay for this kind of investment yourself, which takes time and energy.
5. Feelings of Abandonment and Disappointment: When the other person abruptly withdraws or goes, you experience intense hurt and disappointment. The knowledge that the bond was not reciprocal only makes this pain worse.
These are some of the signs that you are losing your relationship with yourself and putting people on a pedestal.
How to stop this unhealthy attachment ASAP?
Putting people on a pedestal can lead to unhealthy attachment, which in turn causes irrational expectations and emotional instability. Here's how to change this pattern:
1. Understand their humanity: Recognize that everyone is imperfect. Understand that, like everyone else, the person you are attached to is flawed and human.
2. Set boundaries: Avoid overcommitting yourself by offering assistance or regularly rearranging your schedule for other people. Be mindful of your own time and effort.
3. Practise self love: Develop Self-Love by putting your own needs and well-being first. Take part in things that help you feel good about yourself and fulfilled on your own, without the help of other people. Self-love is the secret to lowering dependency on outside affirmation.
4. Balanced Give-and-Take: Ensure that your connections are mutually beneficial. If you discover that you are giving more than you are receiving, take a step back and reevaluate the relationship's functioning. Healthy partnerships require support and effort from both parties.
Conclusion
Getting attached and investing in relationships is your strength, not your weakness. It means you love to take care of those whom your heart desires. However, you must avoid getting lost in people and keep them from manipulating, using, and treating you like a doormat. Understand where your values and energy are not reciprocated and choose to leave them.
Your priority should be stabilizing your nervous system and peace of mind. Everything comes afterward!
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