How to stop being a people pleaser and respect yourself

If I look back on my life, I see a different person standing right there. This version of me spent more than enough time to be liked and appreciated by others.

I used to give people more than enough chances that they deserved. I tried to be perfect. I tried to fit in with various groups of people in order to feel accepted and appreciated.

Many times in my life, I've done things I didn't want to do to please people. Because I didn't know how to say no to people, I damaged my self-esteem and moral ideals.

you are not pizza. You cannot make everyone happy

People-pleasers are well-known for going out of their way to make others happy. While being helpful and nice to others is a good thing. But going too far to please others can leave you emotionally tired, agitated, and anxious.

Who is a people-pleaser?

A people-pleaser is a person who generally has low self-esteem so he asks others to give him love, respect, and attention. 

By pleasing people and making them happy, one neglects his self-confidence and self-worth.

According to the dictionary, people-pleasing is related to "sociotropy," or being too preoccupied with pleasing others and obtaining their approval to sustain connections.

Here are some signs that show you might be a people-pleaser:

  • You ignore your own needs to help others
  • You always make time for others but don't have time for yourself
  • You have difficulty saying "no"
  • You feel you are not deserving of great things in life
  • You want people to like you and believe that helping them will earn their approval.
  • You are worried about what others may think of you
  • You cannot make your own decisions
While you do all of these things to keep others happy, they can make you feel emotionally drained and even cause burn out.

Thus, it is essential to ditch this negative behavior before it takes a toll on your mental health.

7 Easy Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Respecting Yourself

1. Value your own needs- Realize that you too have feelings and likes and dislikes.  It's okay if it does not resonate with others. What matters is you and your emotions. So, put your own needs first and do what you feel is right. If you don't want to go to a social function then don't go. If you believe it will drain your energy, it is best to save your soul from unnecessary drama and disorder.

2. Validate yourself- Once you believe that your worth is not dependent on other people's opinions of you, then nobody can make you sad. It's their perception and, you cannot change that. All you can do is be a better person for yourself. 

3. Set a time limit for yourself- Scheduling and managing your time is a great way to save yourself from unnecessary and baseless things. If you want to go somewhere with someone, make sure you let them know you only have this much time and that you have other important things to do. You should be aware of where your presence is required and where not.

4. Kindly say "No"- People pleasers are afraid of not appearing kind and sounding harsh, so they say "yes" even when they want to say "no." But you should know that clearly saying "no" to a thing will not make you sound harsh or rude. Have the courage to deny anything which does not resonate with you and, if the other person understands he will not take it rudely.

5. You cannot please everyone- It's a difficult pill to take, but you have to accept that you can't please everyone. The truth is that you can't please everyone all of the time because everyone's needs differ. Acting in a certain way to gratify one person may irritate or offend another. So, focus on yourself and serve where it is genuinely needed.

6. Stop apologizing unnecessarily- Saying "sorry" first will not make you a small person. But know there's a limit for apologizing. It can be another form of people-pleasing. Know where there is a need to apologize and where it is not. Did you genuinely make a mistake? Was it your fault if there was traffic, terrible weather, or a sick family member at home?

7. Ask for help- Accept that you are not a superhero who can do all work by himself. In some cases, you can also need help no matter how professional you are in your genre, and asking for it will not make you less than anybody else. For example, the next time you're swamped with emails, meetings, or projects, see if one of your coworkers could help you out. Even if it's a minor duty, it can make a lot of your work easier.

Little Recap

If you are living for others and only thinking about them then that's not going to help. Of course, being kind and generous is what the world needs right now. But you should also know where to give your 100% and where not. 

Being a people-pleaser and chasing those who do not give a shit about you will give you nothing but stress. It's better to concentrate on yourself and those who are with you through your highs and lows.

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